记一次失败的雅思考试作文的修改

记一次失败的雅思考试作文的修改

大作文题目 Task 2: There are more and more people travelling other countries. Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative to development?
考场作答醉汉梦话,公众号:醉汉梦话记一次失败的雅思考试作文
修改思路一、考场最大错误是论点缺失,可能太紧张了。在 Simon 的课程中,这种问题被他叫做 “two-part” essay,因为问题包含了两个方面:

  1. Backgroud: There are more and more people travelling other countries.
  2. Question 1: Why does this happen?
  3. Question 2: Is it positive or negative to development?

根据 Simon 建议,此类文章结构如下:

  1. Introduction: resaons,  positive / negative to develepment (only one side);
  2. Q1: Factors that result in this phenomenon;
  3. Q2: Positive / Negative to development;
  4. Conclusion: different factors, more positive / negative.

写出论点、小修结构,因为结构和逻辑都会有显著提升,至少提 0.25 分。
第二个问题是段内逻辑不太好,练得太少,这一部分提高至少能有 0.25 分。
第三个问题是语用错误,改了就好,但说实话考试时间比较紧张难免、只能多练。
改了过后,我觉得这个作文至少有 6.5 分吧……

修改文章Ubiquitity has become the most significant characteristic of global tourism in recent decades, due to a range  of critical determinants. This essay will try to investigate those factors and argue that more positive impacts can be found in economic, social, and cultural veins.
Consistantly increasing international and intercontinental tourists are advanced by superior information and communication technologies (ICTs), expanding global commerce network, and higher desires for diverse living cultures. First, ICTs play an important role in the contemporary tourism industry. For instance, fourth generation communication technology has cultivated instant online services enabling frequent and international travelling orders. Second, in the commercial aspect, the emergence of niche markets diversified in different countries also needs more global trips. China Transsion, as an example, requires necessary field studies in Africa to bridge both information and capital gaps between or among countries. Third, the diversity of cultures also matters. Only in this context, can Netflix’s video streaming service be similarly marvelous in various markets and continuously stimulate tourists’ actions for cultural experience.
Consequently, development benefits from the global tourism industry in similar ways. To start with, travelling demands higher communication and transportation requirements. In the 2008 Olympics, the traffic and mobile higher network of Beijing got great updates in order to meet a huge amount of global tourists. Next, the flow of capital gets faster in this process. The tertiary sector of Chongqing’s GDP reached its historical number in 2018 because of wealthy and generous tourists including a significant part of global ones. Besides, exposure to different cultures when travelling releases potential for cultural innovation. In early years, plenty of Chinese tech-giants including Tencent and Renren relied on “time-machine theory” that borrowing cultural elements from developed countries to a local context is an efficient strategy.
In conclusion, advances in technology, economy, and culture urge global tourism forward and development gains more benefits in this process, reciprocally.

译文
遍在性已因诸多决定性因素成为近来数十年全球旅游的最显著特征。本文将试图调查这些因素并论证:在经济、社会和文化的脉络上均能发现更多的积极影响。
持续增长的国际游客和洲际游客借力于优异的信息和通讯技术、扩张中的全球贸易网络和对多样文化的更高渴求。其一,信息通讯技术在现代旅游产业中扮演了重要角色。如第四代通讯技术已经培育了使旅游订单频繁和国际的即时在线服务。其二,在商业方面,分化在不同国家的 “利基” 市场的涌现同样需要更多的全球旅行。作为一个例子的中国传音科技需要在非洲的必要田野调查,以弥补两国或多国间的信息与资本鸿沟。其三,文化的多样性同样重要。只有在这种语境中,奈非的视频流服务才可以在各异的市场中类似地令人惊异并不断刺激游客为了文化体验的行为。
结果,发展也从全球旅游产业中以类似的方式获益。首先,更大的旅游需求提出更高的通讯和交通需要。在 2008 奥运会, 北京的交通和移动网络获得了巨大升级以应对巨额全球游客。其次,在这个过程中资本加快了流动。因为富裕而慷慨的游客,包括了很大一部分的全球游客。,重庆第三产业的 GDP 在 2018 年达到了历史性的数字。此外,旅途中暴露在不同文化下释放了文化创新的潜力。早年间,包括了腾讯和人人的许多中国的科技巨头依赖“时间机器理论”,即在本地语境中借用发达国家的文化元素是一个高效策略。
总之,技术、经济和文化的进步催促着全球旅游的前进,相互地,发展亦获得了更多益处。
感想看得不多、写得太少了,而且没找人帮我改。(太抠门,报名+真题 😂) 

看官有建议麻烦一定评论写一下 QAQ 谢谢宁!
路漫漫。

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