English | 第一次托福独立写作

date
Nov 8, 2022
slug
first-toefl-independent-writing
status
Published
summary
Some people believe that fortune is not a dominating factor of friendship. These advocators cite fictions, movies and personal experience to support the idea. However, I firmly disagree and argue that comparable financial backgrounds are the prerequisite of friendships for three reasons.
tags
Academic
English
type
Post
第一次托福考试,记录一下.

题目
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
A good friendship is possible if one has less money than the other.
 
自评成绩 24
 
考后默写, 尽量保留了错误

主要缺陷

  1. 主旨论点和题目表述相差较大,尽管分论点相近, 以 paraphrase 为佳;
  1. 第三分论点略牵强;
  1. 举例阐述不够贴切和具体, 以细节说服;
  1. 举例未强调例子的普遍性, 推论缺失;
  1. 一些名次动词的选择比较牵强, 不够准确;
  1. 表达不像 native, 一眼就能看出来.

句式结构

  1. 已用: 系表结构; 普通主谓宾; 普通疑问句; 宾语从句; 定语从句; 时间/原因/让步状语从句; 倒装结构; 不定式;
  1. 未用: 主语从句; 特殊疑问句; 祈使句

逻辑关系

  1. 已用: causation; contrast; concession; conclusion; exemplification
  1. 未用/未指明: concerning; importance; similarity; supposition

表达多样

  1. money = financial background / finance / fortune / wealth / financial status
  1. friendship = acquaintance / making a good friend / have friends / find … as a friend
  1. 赞同或反对 believe / argue / contend / advocator / disagree / opposite / support
  1. 程度形容词或副词 dominating / firmly / strongly / more or less / specifically / merely

语法错误

  1. 主谓不一致(maximize, our lives);
  1. 单词拼写错误(guarantees, situations, dilemma);
  1. 单词词性错误(prerequisite);
  1. 介词使用错误(a factor of);
  1. 冠词多余或缺失(friendship);

写作技巧

  1. for three reasons … for A, B and C, concise & concrete
  1. 重要信息动词化, clarity
  1. 后句新信息后置, 前句背景或简单状语提前, clarity
  1. 后句主语承前句宾语, coherent
  1. passion and fortune, 押韵, coherent & rhythm
  1. adj. similarity ensure similar noun., 互文(不太清楚应该叫啥), coherent & rhythm

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