记一次失败的雅思考试作文

date
Jan 8, 2021
slug
ielts-failed-essay
status
Published
summary
Task 2: There are more and more people travelling other countries. Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative to development?
tags
English
Academic
type
Post
大作文题目
Task 2: There are more and more people travelling other countries. Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative to development?
考试作答
Global trips are more ubiquitous than ever. This phenomenon issues novel questions on its explanation and the possibilities of its effects. This essay will try to investigate the antecedents and to evaluate its consequences.
The increasing amount of international travelling is caused by information-communication-technology (ICT), global business, and expanding various cultures. In ICT aspect, modern technologies enables more frequent transportation. For example, the 737 plane has higher capability of carrying more customers. In commercial vein, growing global markets, especially those niche and novel ones, issue higher needs of international trips. Face-to-face business negotiation is more efficient and indispensable than any other alternatives in modern business practice. In addition, the influence of cultures from discrepant countries leads to more international travels. Young teenagers, for instance, have higher desire for being a global citizen than ever.
Such behaviors bring more benefits than their negative effects. To start with, the flow of capital and resources, both tangible and intangible, get higher speed in this process, which is essential for contemporary finance system. An interesting example here can be the tertiary sector of the GDP of my hometown, Chongqing, had its historical number in 2018, which is basically because of travelling business in this global context. Next, exposure to foreign culture creates innovative ideas. The success of a sparkling start-up Chinese company dubbed Transmission is based on a simple notion that profitability could be achieved when glocalization(global and local) was used in their features of cellphones. However, it has to be admitted that the cost of international communication can be very expensive but meticulous evaluation can tackle this problem effectively and instantly.
In conclusion, it is globalization that stimulates cross-nation trips and this is more beneficial.
主要问题
  1. 第一段忘记写 main argument 即主要论点呈现欠缺;
  1. 段内逻辑性欠缺;
  1. 诸如 tourist 之类的同义主题词未提及;
  1. 有较多冠词错误。
评分标准(以 7 分为例)
  • Task Response 任务回应
    • 提及任务所有部分
    • 回应呈现清晰立场
    • 呈现、拓展和支持主要论点,但存在过度泛化的倾向和 / 或支持观点缺乏聚焦
  • Coherence and Cohesion 连贯性和衔接
    • 有逻辑地组织信息和论点;全文呈现清晰思路
    • 适当使用一系列衔接手段尽管存在一些欠缺或过度的使用
    • 在每一个段落呈现清晰的中心主题
  • Lexical Resource 词汇资源
    • 使用足够多的词汇以求灵活性和准确性
    • 使用较不常用的词汇项目并有类型和搭配意识
    • 可能在词汇选择、拼写和 / 或词汇形式中产生偶发错误
  • Grammatical Range and Accuracy 语法范围和准确性
    • 使用各种复杂结构
    • 频繁写就无误句子
    • 对语法和标点有良好掌控,但可能犯下少量错误
预估分数
个人预计 6-6.5 分:
  • Task Response 任务回应文章涉及了几乎所有部分,但未呈现清晰立场,部分方面被更多地阐述;
  • Coherence and Cohesion 连贯性和衔接全文呈现出逻辑和清晰思路,使用了一定的衔接手段且每段拥有清晰主题,但 supporting points 逻辑性不足;
  • Lexical Resource 词汇资源文章使用了 ubiquitous、antecedents、vein、dubbed、glocalization 、meticulous 等不常用词汇,但部分词汇选择准确度欠佳且存在一个动词单复数错误;
  • Grammatical Range and Accuracy 语法范围和准确性文章使用了主从、宾从、被动、虚拟、倒装、过去、过去完成等复杂语法,标点符号应用适当,但存在一些冠词错误(我记得我考场写了倒装但回忆的时候忘了在哪儿写的了)。
修改过程
再看看相关的范文,过两天再改吧……

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